Jesus Really Does Save (Updated)

Posted on March 7th, 2010 by Jean

This blog was originally posted on MySpace March 9, 2009. An update follows.
 
This morning, on Tom’s return trip from dropping Natalie off at school, he was pulled over for speeding. As he was waiting for the officer to do whatever it is officer’s do, Tom noticed something odd in his rear view mirror. “That’s something you don’t see every day”, Tom remarked to the officer. What caught their eye? A man pulling a huge cross along the highway. The cop took one look at Tom and said, “Today’s your lucky day. Now that we’ve seen Jesus, I’m going to let you go with a warning.”
 
Tom came home with a gleam in his eye, and I immediately knew something was up. Neither of us could believe his luck! But wait! He hadn’t taken a picture! The man couldn’t have gotten far, so Tom grabbed a camera and headed out. Didn’t take Tom long to find him hauling his cross (which conveniently has wheels on the bottom) further into town. Tom pulled over and snapped his photo. The man waved, approached Tom, and said the photo would cost him one dollar.
 
The two struck up a conversation. Tom is so personable, and apparently so is the man with the cross. Turns out his name is Cross Carrier Chuck, and he has been walking across the United States since 2000. It’s a ten year mission, and at the end of it, he’s going to write a book.
 
Tom gave C.C. Chuck (and his cross) a ride to Laughlin, and enough money to buy him a decent breakfast at any one of the casinos. Chuck’s next destination is, appropriately enough, Sin City.

 

 
 
UPDATE: The story did not end there. Far from it. Chuck’s feet were hurting, so he turned his cross around and returned to our town. Meanwhile the story of Tom’s lucky encounter with “Jesus” was blazing through the grapevine. As Chuck pulled his cross in front of the window of a local Bar & Grill, the patrons phoned Tom to say, “Jesus is back!” Tom hopped into his truck, caught up with Chuck, and bought him a bowl of soup.
 
Day turned to night, and Tom brought Chuck home for dinner. During the course of the evening, we discovered some interesting things about Chuck.
• His mother’s name is Mary.
• His favorite cocktail is the Long Island Iced Tea.
• His favorite pizza is ham, pineapple and anchovies.
• The cross is not a chick-magnet.
• He likes Rice Crispy Treats, but doesn’t know who Michael Phelps is or why Michael adorned my box of Treats. (One collectible down the drain.)
 
With the help of our friends, we were able to treat Chuck to a week’s stay at a local hotel. After speaking with his mother, we helped him establish a bank account using our address for his statements. His parents put money into his account, and he is able to make withdrawals with his ATM card. When the statements arrive, we are tempted to open them and see where Chuck has been. Instead, I file them away on the off chance he returns.
 
Chuck caught a bus and headed to the bible belt as Easter was on the horizon. He abandoned his cross in Needles, CA, where the bus station is located, and anticipated building a new cross when this particular journey was over.
 
You can find videos of Cross Carrier Chuck on YouTube. It was fun to show him the internet while he was here, and he could recall in great detail the circumstances behind being filmed.
 
If you ever run across Chuck, buy him a Long Island Iced Tea from me!

WTF: Stories Behind The Photos

Posted on February 26th, 2010 by Jean

Hubby forwarded me an email, and after laughing for a few minutes, I realized I HAD to find out the story behind these WTF photos. (WTF photos are pictures in which something seems amiss.) Let’s dig deeper, shall we?
 
First up is… skeleton-tattoo man.

 
Meet Rick Murray, Zombie. Rick is tattooing himself into a zombie. He has 24 hours and $3,863.66 USD invested into his project so far. Future goals include shading in the grey of his brain tattoo, possibly tattooing the whites of his eyes black (if no one has gone blind from this procedure in five years), removing his nose and one ear. Although you might not believe it, Rick does have his limits. He has decided not to tattoo his penis in the image of Jesus on the cross. The crown of thorns would have been a bitch. For more of Rick’s story and photos, check out BizarreMag.com’s Zombie Boy article.
 
 
Next up, a toy I’d love to own!

 
Can I shave the baby? This photo literally made me laugh out loud. The baby doll was never sold, but is a 1995 progressive art piece. This work and others can be seen at Raster Art of Warsaw, Poland.
 
 
Here is a combo. A two-fer, if you will.

 
Where do I start? This spunky, young woman refers to herself as Amber Amputee. She has a MySpace page, and has blogged about this photo. Yes, that is her, but Sewer Horse is photoshopped. As easy as it was to find Amber, Sewer Horse remains a mystery.
 
 
Ready for more juicy goodness? Check out this Romeo.

 
More please! He’s bold and he has weapons. Turns out, he’s just like you and me, albiet harrier. He posed for this photo and other (saucier) ones for his wife, who released them to the world-wide-web. Don’tcha hate it when your personal photos are exposed? This sexy man-beast is a husband, father, and MySpacer. He has graciously kept his profile public, allowing us to view his photos and artwork created by fans. You can check him out at Micromancer. I don’t know him personally, so please don’t tell him Jean sent you.
 
Say it Ain’t So, Superman!

 
Able to WHAT? Photoshopped, and no one is taking credit for it.
 
As if I haven’t provided you with enough links today, here is one more. Check out Picture Is Unrelated for more funny (some adult) photos. If there are any you’d like me to investigate, let me know.
 
• Are you in any WTF photos?
• Where SHOULD tattoo man have drawn the line?
• Would you rather shave the baby or shave Micromancer?!

The Frenchman Who Abandoned Me (Updated)

Posted on February 20th, 2010 by Jean

This blog was originally posted on MySpace October 3, 2008. It was my submission to the now defunct Group Blogging Experience (GBE). The hostess, Alicia, would suggest a word each week, and participants would define the word with stories, photos, poems, etc. The blogs were linked by Alicia, and new friendships were formed.
 
An update to this story has been added at the bottom. Thanks for reading!

 
GBE 56 – ABANDON
 
We hired a carpenter.

Not really him.


 
He’s french.
 

Not too stereotypical.


 
He has done work for us in the past.
 

Mantel, tiled fireplace, entertainment center, and bar.


 
Yesterday he swung by the house to begin installing our new entertainment center. All the pieces were brought into the room. We thought, in a few hours, everything would be in place. But no. He had to go pick up his son, and promised to be back.
 

Don't believe him.


 
Hours passed. He did not return.
 
His son called.
 

You did not know I was so fluent in French.


 
Mon Dieu! No, we don’t know where your father is.
 
Then his cat phoned.
 

Have you ever tried consoling a cat over the phone?


 
Day turned into night. The carpenter never returned.
 
If anyone can read these plans…
 

Zee plans.


 
… and figure out how to complete the project…
 

Install the secret door so we can hide behind the t.v.


 
… we would be forever grateful.
 
F.Y.I. ~ The last time he abandoned the project, we found him in front of a slot machine.
 

Sacre Bleu! You 'ave found me!


 
 


 
UPDATE 02/20/10: The Frenchman professed to being pulled away by a family emergency so secretive even his own son and cat were not made aware of it. I still see him from time to time, wandering the grocery store in his unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, chest hair wild and unkempt in stark contrast to his precisely-groomed mustache. I imagine him muttering under his breath, “Zere iz zee beach ooh scorned moi.”, but thankfully he doesn’t notice me.
 
My husband trolled a local bar for a cheap replacement who would finish the job for cash. After much coaxing, he finally found a taker, and our entertainment center was completed. The secret door allowing access to the space behind the t.v. was never installed, bursting my dreams of hiding from the children and having wild sex with the television blaring. Or maybe just hiding from the children and sitting quietly in the corner.
 

Completed but not the ultimate hiding place.


 
• Has a Frenchman ever let you down?
• Do you take part in blogging groups?
• Where do you hide from the children?

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