Tiger Woods has lost lucrative sponsorship and advertising deals, but he could still come out the winner.
Tiger, you have the opportunity to reach more consumers than ever before. Here are my recommendations for your financial future.
1. Cut a deal with Summer’s Eve. Demand they create a “Smells Like Money!” scent.
2. Accept an offer from Dirt Devil. The sale of dirt bags could triple.
3. Contact The Las Vegas Tourism Board. Your face plus their trademarked phrase equals a match made in heaven.
4. Remake the Austin Powers hit, GoldMember.
5. Pen a Dummies book.
So, what do you say, Mr. Woods? Are you ready to come out of hiding and get back to work?
• Do you think Tiger is listening?
• Love him, hate him, or leave him alone?
• What other products could he endorse?
Comment By: Sherri
December 16th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!
This is too good Jeanie Beanie 🙂
I don’t have any other recommendations for sponsors but I do have a little joke for you.
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.
All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”
Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”
Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”
Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”
Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”
Teacher: “That’s right Nancy, you may also leave.”
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!”
The teacher turns around: “WHO SAID THAT?”
Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. See you next year!”
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
December 16th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Hahahahahaha! Thank YOU for the laughs, Sherri!
Comment By: thegirlfromtheghetto
December 17th, 2009 at 2:23 am
Right on Jean. I can’t get enough of trashy Tiger talk. Thanks for posting this and making me LOL!
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
December 17th, 2009 at 8:14 am
Me neither, Girl From The Ghetto! It’s titillating and juicy!
Thank you!
Comment By: James
December 17th, 2009 at 7:05 am
You seem suprised, He is a bloke, He has Money, He has no kids, He has scantaly dressed chics throwing himsef at him, He says his wife does not under stand hin, He is a bloke!
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
December 17th, 2009 at 8:15 am
I am surprised. He seemed so *goody-goody*.
He does have children though. Ages 2 and newborn.
Comment By: James
December 17th, 2009 at 10:33 am
no I did not know that any scum bag that does that to kid deserves the pain ahead.
Comment By: S. Le
December 17th, 2009 at 8:10 am
Brilliant and hilarious post!
Tiger? I really couldn’t care less.
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
December 17th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Thank you, S. Le! 😀
Comment By: Dennis the Vizsla
December 17th, 2009 at 8:53 am
I heard a couple of Tiger Woods jokes the other night.
1) He’s changing his name to Cheetah Woods
2) What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa only has three “Ho”s.
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
December 17th, 2009 at 9:18 am
LOL, Dennis! If you hear more, send them my way.
Comment By: sweetiegirlz
December 17th, 2009 at 9:28 am
You so bad, gurl! lolololol. I think Tiger thought he had it going on and then like everyone else who “fronts” it all comes crashing down sooner or later. i think ALL of his ads should be pulled. I told my husband, he’s going to be another magic johnson and come up with Aids if he doesn’t watch it.
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
December 17th, 2009 at 9:36 am
I hope he used protection. Talk about your poor choices!
I am looking forward to seeing Bronze Member though. 😀
Comment By: Jessica Lee Binder
December 17th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
You are too funny! Love all the graphics!
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
December 18th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Thanks Jessica! I hope he’s listening. He just lost Tag Heuer.
Comment By: Era
December 18th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Ha Ha Ha!!! This post is hilarious. When he was hiding from the police and not letting on what the issue was, I was curious. Now I’ve heard enough and am bored of him. Professionally he’ll be fine if he starts winning tournaments again. Now he should be left to put together the shambles of his personal life.
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
December 19th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Me too! I was very curious when he was mum. Now I really don’t need to see the 14 bimbos he was sleeping with.
Comment By: Doraz
December 20th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Aren’t you the clever one! LOL 🙂
Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
December 21st, 2009 at 11:42 am
Hahaha! Cute jokes, Doraz! Thank you!
Comment By: Gary
December 21st, 2009 at 10:51 am
Tiger is a DUMBASS! Why would someone that has it all do something this friggin stupid?
I wonder what Tiger will do next? I mean after the divorce and all. A bricklayer perhaps? What a dumbass! LOL
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
December 21st, 2009 at 11:42 am
Ya, he really made some poor choices over and over again. He’s going to need an image make-over whatever he does.
Comment By: Gary
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:29 am
Tiger SHOULD do a Summer’s Eve commercial! He knows all about being a douchebag! 😀
Comment By: Doraz
December 22nd, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Hope it is ok I added you to my blogroll. Sorry so late! Hope you like the image I picked for you, if not…let ,e know! 🙂
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
December 23rd, 2009 at 7:21 am
Oh cool!!! Thank you, Doraz! I’ll add you to mine too.
Merry Christmas!
Comment By: Doraz
December 23rd, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all!
Thanks for adding me to your blogroll!
I appreciate your support and your take on life!
🙂
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
January 1st, 2010 at 7:30 pm
Doraz, I hope you are enjoying the holidays in your mountain retreat.
Thank you for adding me to your blogroll as well.
Happy 2010!
Comment By: PURPLE HATTER
January 1st, 2010 at 7:10 pm
JEAN, YOU HAVE A VERY SPECIAL AWARD ON MY SITE THAT AWAITS YOU!
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
January 1st, 2010 at 7:29 pm
Thank you so much, Purple Hatter! You are amazing! What a great start to the New Year!
Comment By: Mai Laws
January 5th, 2010 at 9:15 am
OMG Jean. This was hilarious!!!
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
January 5th, 2010 at 1:59 pm
Thank you, Mai! It was really fun to photoshop Tiger. LOL!
Comment By: Mai Laws
January 5th, 2010 at 9:15 am
And your placement of the products, etc. Hahahaha…. PERFECT!!!
Comment By: Leese
January 22nd, 2010 at 9:06 pm
Ok.. the Summer’s Eve comment?
Yea.. coffee came spraying out of my nose and onto my laptop monitor!
Thanks..
off to find paper towels!!!
Comment By: Jean Has Been Shopping
January 24th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Haha! Glad I could make you spew, Leese!