Natalie’s school offers free pilates classes on Monday evenings. We ventured over there last night to partake.
The intimate class was comprised of the instructor, her 3 year old daughter (Ali), a 5 year old student (Reagan), me and my girls.
What the Instructor Said:
Class, lay down on your mats and we shall begin warming up.
What the Children Heard:
Natalie, lay down on your side and look bored. Please strike this pose for 30 minutes.
Pearl, good effort!
Ali, now is the time to bend your mat up to your nose and give it a good sniff. Don’t stop yet! Sniff your mat for 20 minutes.
Reagan, do not listen to anything I say, and make as much noise as humanly possible.
What the Instructor Said:
Pose like dogs, and try to find your tail.
What the Children Heard:
You are ferocious dogs who must attack! Pearl-dog, head-butt your sister. It is the only way we can all get out of class early!
What the Instructor Said:
Now make your back straight, like a table.
What the Children Heard:
Reagan, get a cup and put it on my back. I’ll demonstrate what a table really looks like.
What the Instructor Said:
Fold up like a bug, and roll onto your back. Now roll back up to the starting position.
What I Heard:
Jean, I’m going to kill you. Fold up like a bug, roll onto your back, and lay there helpless.
What the Instructor Said:
Let’s stand up and do some dance moves.
What the Children Heard:
Reagan, this is going to be complicated. First, I need you to stand next to me and remind me to breath. Then, wander around the room on tippy-toes because I did mention something about dance moves. Now, do you see those folded mats over there? Try to balance on them. I know, it looks risky, huh? Well, you’ll do it anyway.
Natalie, continue to cry. Really, class will end right after this dance move.
Ali, stand on my feet. The closer to me, the better for me to demonstrate this move.
Pearl, sit next to your sister and make a pouty face.
What the Instructor Said:
Class dismissed.
What I Heard:
What a fiasco, huh? So…. will I see you next week?
Thanks for reading!
