Forty-three must be the magic number. Used to be, I could eat any ol’ thing. Now? My foods of choice are clinging to my mid-section for all the world to see.
Changing Food Habits
When I was growing up, I literally got fruit once a year. Santa brought it. Stuffed it in my stocking. How do I change that eating habit? I told hubby I like green bananas. What does he do? He buys six. Six green bananas. Even if (that’s a big if) I eat one a day, by week’s end they’re turning brown. Natalie tells me I need Debbie Meyer’s Green Bags. Ha! Out of the mouths of babes.
Changing Routines
Speaking of Natalie, with her starting school this year, I barely wake up in time to see her off. You know that list-tag that’s going around? List 6 things you do before bed? How ’bout 6 things you do in the morning?
1. Wake up.
2. Sex? Yes, please.
3. Get out of bed.
4. Make Natalie’s lunch.
5. Comb Natalie’s hair.
6. Get Natalie dressed.
Time’s up!
My routine used to be 1) same 2) same 3) same 4) make coffee 5) read blogs 6) get on treadmill. (I miss that routine.)
Diets
I bought the Bob Green book, The Best Life Diet. Do you know what he says? Don’t read this book until you’re ready to diet. So… I sat that aside.
I had great success with the Slim-Fast website, until they tried to revamp it. Now, instead of being able to view your entire week’s meals, you can only view the current day’s meals. Pfffffttt!!!
You know who else gets a raspberry? Nutri-System.
Four reasons I hate Nutri-system:
1. The food tastes like dog food.
2. It doesn’t include everything I need. Where’s my bread, fruits and vegetables?
3. Where’s the chocolate you promised me?
4. I didn’t lose weight.
SparkPeople held my interest for a little while. I pledged allegiance to the free diet plan, but soon I wasn’t even signing in to spin their wheel.
So… What works for you, and what gets the Golden Raspberry?
First, the small, furry creatures.
The Three Amigos
Making my way out the front door, the fish in the fountain need a bit of attention.
Here, fishy, fishy, fishy!
Next I arrive at the tortoise habitat.
I can’t identify them. Could be Eenie, Meanie, Miney, but not Mo. Mo died.
Lastly, I saunter over to see the horses.
Shilo was standing too tall to pet.
I have to apologize for these dinky photos. My camera batteries died, so I used my camera phone. All of the spare batteries were drained in these mini helicopters.
Men will be boys.
I can’t run out to the store for new batteries because the kids are sick. Tom can’t go because he’s re-seeding the pasture. Guess there’s only one thing left to do.
What? I’m just petting it.
Thanks for reading!
Five Things I Wish I Could Say to My Exes
1. There’s a term for your condition! Ya! I saw it on Doctor 90210. Here it is! Season 3, Episode 9, Buried Penis. See? Good luck with that!
It was a small service.
2. I felt like I was being a bad girl when I dated you. You’re one of those guys who is UGLY-HOT.
Examples of Ugly-Hot.
3. It is not fair that twenty years later, you have big muscles!
I didn’t have a ticket.
4. What the hell was on the back of your head? Did you absorb a twin in utero? You really should warn a girl before she starts running her fingers through your hair.
Wow! A human french-tickler.
5. Remember when you slipped, and bruised my pooter? I don’t think you slipped.
Yes, it did.
This was harder than I thought!
Please feel free to run with it!
