2. The bartender chastises you for bringing your own beverages.

3. You’re the only one dressed in festive clothing.

4. Nobody gives a damn about your red socks (and I’m not talking baseball).

5. Partygoers that owe you money avoid you like the plague.

6. You spend three hours talking to someone you once fired because she’s the most interesting person present.

7. The host asks you if the shrimp smells fishy.

8. There are 2 places to congregate; the garage or the patio.

1. There’s karaoke in the garage.
2. It’s raining outside.

9. Men are looking for places to urinate in the yard.

10. You’re in the middle of four conversations because people keep wandering off.

11. You’re told one of your close friends has terminal cancer.

12. You’re not feeling jolly. As a matter of fact, you’re weeping.

My sis was right. I have forgotten which trees are from which countries, but one thing is for certain. They are all gorgeous! I hope you enjoy this tremendous photo blog.

Two words. Alexander McQueen. Hello! Check out this clutch with built-in rings. Oh, Santa baby, I’d be the happiest kid on the block if you’d stuff this lil’ gem in my stocking.

I know this seems like an odd request, but please place Animatronic Elvis under my tree. Something about his battery-operated head makes me quiver. Does he have a “hum” setting? Oh, don’t forget the 8 D batteries!

Santa, I can hear you now. “What a greedy bi…”, but wait! You can satisfy my sweet tooth for around twenty dollars with Vosges’ Caramel Toffee Marshmallows. Pick up a 4-pack for yourself. They will melt in your jolly mouth, my good man.

If you still think ill of me, well so be it. Get your point across with Dirty Dishtowels (preferably not one I have to explain to the kids).

I think I’m letting you off easy, but a few of my naughty and nice friends have some special requests.