Posted on October 1st, 2010 by JeanOver the past 24 hours I began and finished reading Chelsea Handler’s, “My Horizontal Life”. I couldn’t put it down nor look away as she described sexual escapades with suitors. By far, the funniest scenarios detailed love gone wrong.
Inspired by Chelsea, here are two of my worst (and PG-13 rated) dating memories.
One In The Bush
After an evening of dancing and drinking with my non-committal boyfriend, we returned to our cars parked behind my office. I pulled out of the parking lot and idled at the stop sign, waiting for *Rico to pull up behind me. What was taking him so long? Several minutes passed before he finally appeared. As I hopped out of my car, he rolled down his window, and I kissed him intently one last time for the evening. Rico could have used a Tic Tac, but other than that, nothing seemed amiss. In the morning, I entered my office followed by a co-worker who announced, “Hey, look! Somebody threw up in the bushes!”
Dirty Old Man
*Davey’s hobby was special effects makeup. With the help of a friend, he made a mold of his head, and sculpted saggy old man skin out of clay. I don’t know all the ins and outs, but the final product was a light-weight, foam “mask” he glued to his face. He donned a suit and hat, and we went to the local mall to see if he could pass as an old fart. He struck up several conversations, and no one was the wiser that he was a twenty-something geek. When we got back home, he was feeling amorous. That mask was no afrodisiac for me! The few times I forgot to keep my eyes tightly sealed, he yelled, “Don’t look at me!” I have a little more respect now for The Girls Next Door.
• Have you read any of Chelsea Handler’s books?
• If you had just hurled, would you decline a kiss?
• What is one of your worst dating memories?
* Names have been changed.