Petting My Pets

Posted on October 10th, 2008 by Jean

First, the small, furry creatures.
 

The Three Amigos
 
Making my way out the front door, the fish in the fountain need a bit of attention.
 

Here, fishy, fishy, fishy!
 
Next I arrive at the tortoise habitat.
 

I can’t identify them. Could be Eenie, Meanie, Miney, but not Mo. Mo died.
 
Lastly, I saunter over to see the horses.
 

Shilo was standing too tall to pet.
 
I have to apologize for these dinky photos. My camera batteries died, so I used my camera phone. All of the spare batteries were drained in these mini helicopters.
 

Men will be boys.
 
I can’t run out to the store for new batteries because the kids are sick. Tom can’t go because he’s re-seeding the pasture. Guess there’s only one thing left to do.
 

 
What? I’m just petting it.
 
Thanks for reading!

Tags: pets

The Ex Tag

Posted on October 7th, 2008 by Jean

Five Things I Wish I Could Say to My Exes
 
1. There’s a term for your condition! Ya! I saw it on Doctor 90210. Here it is! Season 3, Episode 9, Buried Penis. See? Good luck with that!
 

It was a small service.
 
2. I felt like I was being a bad girl when I dated you. You’re one of those guys who is UGLY-HOT.
 
Examples of Ugly-Hot.

 
3. It is not fair that twenty years later, you have big muscles!
 

I didn’t have a ticket.
 
4. What the hell was on the back of your head? Did you absorb a twin in utero? You really should warn a girl before she starts running her fingers through your hair.
 

Wow! A human french-tickler.
 
5. Remember when you slipped, and bruised my pooter? I don’t think you slipped.
 

Yes, it did.
 
This was harder than I thought!
 
Please feel free to run with it!

Tags: ex, funny, insult, pooter

Countdown Tag

Posted on October 5th, 2008 by Jean

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now:
 
1. Twisting my boobs and saying, Come in Tokyo, is not foreplay.
2. I don’t know where you got the phrase, My arms are broken, but if you could help me pick up your toys, I’d appreciate it.
3. I am prescribing a Girls Getaway as you need an emergency dose of fun, stat!
4. Even your grandchildren without penises are deserving of your time.
5. I’m afraid you’re going to bitch-slap me. Are you going to bitch-slap me? ::: nervous laughter :::
6. I don’t think we are really friends, but if we are, you need to brush up on your friendship skills.
7. Everyone thinks she’s the kook, but you’re a kook too! It’s obviously working and you’ve got a happy family.
8. Where did your wedding ring go? If you want to talk about it, I’m here.
9. Remember how you got your hair cut & colored, and I paid for it? Then the next time I saw you, you told me how you got your hair cut & colored. Well… ummm…. how do I say this? I was there! (Are you on something?)
10. It would mean the world to Tom if you came to visit us. Act now! Operators are standing by.
 

 
Nine Things about Myself:
 
Yes, officer, I saw her! She was 5’4″ with brown hair. Her eyes, hazel. She seemed to be a self-employed, 43 year old, and she had 2 young daughters. Oh, she must be married. She was wearing a wedding ring. She had a recyclable bag from Target, so I’ll bet she loves to shop. She drove away in a Dodge Magnum.
 

 
Eight Ways to Win My {Friendship} Heart:
 
1. Call or email just to say hi.
2. If we make plans, try not to cancel them.
3. If I fall down, help me up. (That’s not a metaphor.)
4. Drink responsibly.
5. Treat me, my children and my husband nicely.
6. Be positive!
7. Eat dessert.
8. Don’t tell me to shut up when I am laughing at my own jokes.
 

 
Seven Things that Cross My Mind a Lot:
 
1. What time is it?
2. Where’s Tom?
3. I wonder what Natalie is doing right now!
4. What can Pearl and I do for fun today?
5. What’s for breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack?
6. Am I forgetting something?
7. Do I have to work today?
 

 
Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:
 
1. Pick up toys.
2. Start the dishwasher.
3. Kiss hubby goodnight.
4. Pee
5. Get naked.
6. Watch a bit of t.v.
 

 
Five People Who Mean a Lot:
 
1. Tom
2. Natalie & Pearl equally
3. My sister
4. My parents equally
5. My friends
 

 
Four Things I’m Wearing Right Now:
 
1. A large, blue bathrobe.
2.
3.
4.

 
Three Songs I Listen to Often (or 3 bands/artists?):
 
1. Pink
2. Eminem
3. Alanis Morissette
 

 
Two Things I Want to Do Before I Die:
 
1. Watch my daughters grow up.
2. Retire.
 

 
One Confession:
 
1. I unsubscribed from your blog because after a month of reading yours, I realized you weren’t reading mine.
 

 
Please feel free to tag yourself! Let me know when it’s up & running!

Tags: candid