How A Giraffe Led Me To The World’s Sexiest Toilet Paper

Posted on November 19th, 2013 by Jean

My youngest daughter and I were recently browsing giraffe photos (yes, because of that Facebook riddle), when we spied these amazing photos of Giraffe Manor.

Giraffe Manor

Incredible, right? The Giraffe Manor website, which has since been redesigned, sucked us in. We couldn’t get enough! At that time, they offered a  Virtual Tour (access has been removed from their site, but I’m sharing the direct link). Each room in the manor is beautifully decorated; suites named Betty, Marlon, Jock and Karen epitomize luxury & opulence.

In Betty’s bathroom, we spied something most peculiar, most desirable. Can you see it?

Bettys Bathroom collage

Up until that moment, we had no idea black toilet paper even existed. Thus began our quest for the black toilet paper!

Renova colorsRENOVA are the makers of the World’s Sexiest Toilet Paper… no lie! Created in Portugal, this luxury item is used by celebs Simon Cowell and Kris Kardashian. The colors aren’t the only stand-out feature of this paper. It is also triple-ply!

I found it. Now, how to get it? Shipping fees from Portugal are high (outrageously so).  At $4.00 per roll before shipping, I couldn’t afford an industrial supply.

Bravo’s Shah’s of Sunset were having a contest on Facebook, “Overstated Is Underrated”. They asked viewers to pose with something plain that could use an overstated upgrade. Most posed with rings, shoes, and purses. Not me. I posed with a roll of white toilet paper pressed against my cheek. My face cheek! Good Lord!

My entry was accepted, but I didn’t win. On with my quest to obtain the black, sexy, toilet paper. How sexy would my bathroom look? How much would the triple-ply protect my hand? I had to know!

Thank you ebay: 2 weeks and $14.75 later, the sexy t.p. arrived.  I was out at the time. Tom texted me a photo of our eldest daughter holding the t.p. I warned them not to use it, but they replied, “Too late”.

Too late?! Really?!

Thankfully, they were kidding. I was able to hold my delivery, take photos of our new arrival, scan the QR code, slice open the package, inhale the floral scent, feel the….. okay, it feels like a napkin. Not soft, not quilted. Don’t get me wrong. We still are using it (still on our first roll), and yes it is some damn fine (sexy?) paper, but I wouldn’t order it again. My quest was fulfilled, and it was fun.

black tp collage

• Would you buy, use, or give the gift of colorful toilet paper?

The Scary Bubble

Posted on September 21st, 2013 by Jean

scary bubble
Last night Pearl and I had the weirdest experience! She was soaking in the tub, and I was keeping her company, playing on my computer. She was mixing soaps together, and wanted to show me how she makes a soapy goo. So I stood up and watched her pouring shampoos, etc, into her cup and stirring it with a toothbrush. Then I noticed a teeny little bubble floating down towards her. She then saw it, and pointed at it. When she did, it rose up into the air and moved along the mirror. It came down a little bit, and was hovering. We couldn’t believe it. She even asked if it was a fairy. It moved more towards the door, and then the heater air pushed it back up and towards the shower. It floated back to Pearl, and she said, “I’m getting out of here!” She hopped out of the tub and ran out of the room. The bubble went into the tub/shower. I left the room to see if Pearl was in the bedroom, but she had gone all the way into the living room (naked). So I grabbed the shower curtain and pulled it back. The bubble floated out! It went towards the mirror, but then went right in front of me. Pearl had come back into the bedroom, and was standing at the bathroom door. She said, “Where is it?”, and I pointed. It was passing me and heading towards her. I am not kidding! This was the creepiest bubble! She ran out of the room again. I was scared, but wanted to make sure to keep my eye on the bubble. It drifted over to the stool where we sit to brush our hair and put on makeup, and it slowly lowered until it touched the carpet. I thought it was just going to sit there on the carpet, but it did finally pop.

Pearl and I were so scared. When we tried to tell Natalie and Tom, they thought it was funny. Natalie said, “Was it big and wobbly?”, and we said, “No, it was ‘this’ tiny”, motioning with our hands. She couldn’t help but laugh. Tom said it was a good sign, and we only have good people around us. I hope so. It sure was creepy though. That’s all we need is to have bubble phobias.

Natalie even drew a “Wanted” poster with a little bubble on it and a reward for it’s capture. LOL! Wanted for “floating around and scaring people”. Okay, I can’t help but laugh at that too.

Have an excellent day, and watch out for rogue bubbles!
• Would you have popped the bubble?
• Have you ever been stalked by a bubble?
• If a bubble floats around the bathroom, and no one is there to see it, is it still creepy?

Update: Here is a diagram of the bathroom with the path of the bubble.
Haunted Bathroom

Awkward Link-Up

Posted on January 27th, 2013 by Jean

My friend, Helena, recently shared an awkward story, and promised to share even more if we share an awkward story too. Who doesn’t like an embarrassing moment when not on the receiving end? So, here’s my slightly awkward, very recent story.
My eight year old daughter has been obsessing about her height. “I’m afraid I’ll NEVER get taller,” she whines. In an effort to make her understand that in time, she will get taller, I confessed that when I was younger, I feared I’d never get boobs. In my quest for womanly endowments, I enlisted the help of my sister who knew breast-building exercises that only mature siblings know. But I digress…
My daughter looked at me in all seriousness and said, “But Mom, you don’t have boobs.”
Dissed by an 8 year old.
In an effort to regain my composure, I assured her that, yes, I do have boobs.
“Mom, boobs are BIG!”
I’m not going to win this one.
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Life in the Pitts