12 Steps, Princess

Posted on August 6th, 2008 by Jean

My own darling daughter, who is refusing to pose for photographs today, was VERY kind to me on Sunday! To my utter surprise, she drew me a bubble bath! No, I’m not talking about sketching, although she did that too. She ran the water in her tub, and invited me to hop in. Ahhh, the water was so hot! I brought a magazine, thinking I could soak for a bit, but she had other plans for me. It was soon after I was trapped in that tub that she revealed her 12 Steps To Becoming A Princess.
 
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It’s kind of hard to decipher. Let me see if I can remember how to crack the code.
 
Step 1: Take a bubble bath.
 

You have to wash your hair and shave your pits too, Princess.
 
Step 2: Comb Your Hair
 

Getting closer to royalty.
 
Step 3: Put on blue eyeshadow and black mascara.
 

Lovely.
 
Step 4: Apply Lipstick.
 

Dazzleglass – oooh, sexy!
 
Step 5: Choose Your Dress & Shoes
 

Bratzwear – always a classy choice.
 
Step 6: Put Your Shoes On
 

I got nuthin.
 
Step 7: Put On Dress
 

Zip it. Zip it Good.
 
Step 8: I Have No Idea.

 
Her sketch looks like a ladybug taking a shit, but I know she didn’t ask me to poop.
 

 
Ok, I just consulted with the artist, and she said Step 8 is Put Your Hair Up.
 

That’s better!
 
Step 9: Put On Necklace
 

Available at RobynRhodes.com.
 
Step 10: Put On Earrings
 

You Go Girl!
 
Step 11: Everyone Claps For You
 

Check out the princess!
 
Step 12: Take A Bow
 

The End.
 
How does a 5 year old know about a 12-Step program?

Tags: 12 steps, beauty

Blogging Notes 8

Posted on July 21st, 2008 by Jean

It is Monsoon Season in Arizona. All of a sudden, the blue skies turn gray, the storms blow in, and the rain begins to fall. Yesterday morning, Pearl grabbed her paper parasol and headed outdoors.
 

 
When the rain had subsided, she gathered up some leaves and brought them into the house. She placed them on a pillow, and covered them with a tissue to warm them. She’s such a thoughtful child.
 

 

 
Remember a few weeks ago when I got the Vulcan nerve pinch at the hair salon?
 

 
Well, when my head was in the bowl, my hands went numb. That sensation went away, but I was dizzy for a week. I finally broke down and told Tom. He thought perhaps I had pinched a nerve and should see a chiropractor. I made an appointment, told them my story, had x-rays taken, and went for my follow-up visit. The chiropractor informed me that a normal spine curves in 3 places.
 

 
I guess I don’t have my curves in all the right places. My neck is straight and almost bending the opposite way.
 

This isn’t my x-ray, but an example I found on Google Images.
 
This condition can apparently be caused by spending a lot of time in front of a computer (go figure). Now I face a month of chiropractic care with x-rays taken again in August. I’ll be sure to snap a picture next time! Just seeing my bra’s underwire in the x-ray is reason enough!
 

 
Tom and I spent most of this past weekend painting our pantry. I had found a grain bug in my cereal and on a cracker. I will spare you the disgusting photos! We tossed out everything from the pantry that was opened, and wiped the pantry surfaces with Murphy’s Oil Soap. Then Tom had a brilliant idea. Let’s paint the pantry! It was a putrid pink color thanks to the original owners. I don’t know why we hadn’t painted it sooner. Anyway, it is now a crisp, clean white! Tom also suggested we buy a frosted glass door with the word Pantry on it. I think that will look splendid.
 

I even bought air-tight containers for cereal, rice, potato flakes, and bread.
 

 
I’d like to leave you with the whimsical images of Balloon Dogs by artist Jeff Koons. Wouldn’t you love to have one of these?! I know I would!
 

Tags: art, artist, balloon, chiropractor, jeff koons, monsoon, nerve, pantry, pinch

Meet My Party Crashers

Posted on July 7th, 2008 by Jean

My party was crashed.
 
It wasn’t much of a party, in the way of size. Tom, the kids and I, plus our buddies, Rick & Joyce. We were grilling a roast, enjoying a few leaded lemonades, playing Wii bowling. What more could you ask for on a beautiful Saturday evening?
 
Knock, knock, knock!
 
Seriously, who is that? Who are they?
 
Please. If these 2 people come a knockin, you might want to batten down the hatches. I had never seen them before in my life, but they came prepared to party. Tom, apparently, knew them in passing.
 
Mrs Bickerson
 

 
Features:
Tight perm
Large hooters
 
Tendencies:
• Offers to show you her new breasts within 1 hour of meeting you.
• Brings her own wine & glass, but will guzzle 8 shots of your finest Crown Royal.
• Swears like a sailor.
• Pulls you into her fights by asking, What would you do if I fell down drunk?
• Wants to borrow your swimsuit and jacuzzi at 11pm.
 
Mr. Bickerson
 

 
Features:
Large, white handlebar moustache
 
Tendencies:
• Ready to party with his own cooler, beer, mug, and bloody mary mix.
• Pushes Mrs. Bickerson’s buttons, causing her to swear like a sailor.
• Shoots a mean game of pool.
 
I don’t know how they ended up at our house, but when our friends, Rick & Joyce, left around 10pm, we wanted to go with them!
 
Mr. Bickerson’s level head prevailed, and he drug his wife and his cooler out of here before I had to forfeit my swimwear.
 
• What do you say when a woman offers to show you her boobs?
• Have you ever loaned your swimsuit to a stranger?
• Have you partied with the Bickersons?

Tags: bicker, crashers, drunk, party