Big American Breasts

Posted on June 6th, 2010 by Jean

Once upon a time, I wanted to have big American breasts. By the time I reached twenty-one, I felt ready to provide myself with what genetics had overlooked. A particularly buxom acquaintance recommended her plastic surgeon.
 
I scheduled my appointment, paid the consultation fee, and met with the doctor. Silicone implants in varying sizes lined his desk, and volumes of black binders filled with “before & after” photos adorned his shelves. I was on the precipice of my dream!
 
I posed for my “before” photo, filled out paperwork and prepared to set the date. That is when the doctor informed me of a “perk” that was the deal breaker. Post-surgery, I would be chauffeured home in a limousine for all the neighbors and lookie-loos to see. Driven through town, heads turning, necks snapping, to see who, in this tiny town of 19,000 was riding in a limo. It seemed utterly mortifying! I wanted a side of dignity and a heaping helping of privacy when I brought my new hooters home.
 
There would be no implants for me, but things have a way of working themselves out. With time, age and pregnancies, my cups runneth over.
 
• Has a limo altered your path?
• Did you grow up in a small town?
• Has a doctor ever said/done anything that made you rethink surgery?

Operation Rewind

Posted on May 16th, 2010 by Jean

If you hadn’t seen someone for twenty years, wouldn’t you want to look your best for the reunion? That is exactly the predicament I recently faced. Facebook reunites me with friends from my past, and lucky for me, one was was planning a trip to Vegas. We conversed for months making plans to meet for lunch while she was in town.
 
Although I dragged my feet for a while, by April Operation Rewind was underway. I needed to recapture my youthful glow!
 
Step 1: Exfoliate.
I’m a big fan of Bobbi Brown’s Beach Scrub. Alas, my wallet is not. I was able to find a new creation, the Bobbi Brown Sandbar. Quick Review: Bobbi, your sandbar hurt me. The sand was so rough it was akin to rubbing cut glass on my legs. A bit harsh? Yeah, so was your sandbar until the sandy layer washed away after only two uses. Now I am left with a 1″x2″ bar of beach-scented soap.
 
My first and possibly 2nd layer of skin removed, I was now ready for …
 
Step 2: Self-Tanning.
Jergens Natural Glow for Fair Skin turned me from translucent to pale without a hint of orange. I still have my Chanel face tanner from last year, and slathered that on too. Slightly bronzy facial skin achieved.
 
Step 3: Teeth Whitening
Found Crest’s Premium Whitestrips under my sink and said, “What the heck.” Noticeably whiter teeth after three uses.
 
Step 4: Pedicure
No funds for the local nail salon, so I clipped, filed and painted my own toes. Rocking OPI’s – Sweet As Annie-Thing! from their 90210 Collection.
 
Step 5: Wardrobe
Grabbed a lovely Forever 21 sundress from my closet, a gravity-defeating Victoria’s Secret strapless bra from my lingerie drawer, comfy Havaianas flip-flops, and I was good to go!
 
Unfortunately my friend was not. Her hotel overbooked and bumped her to another resort, causing her a lot of stress. Thus our lunch plans went kaput.
 
I hope her travels bring her back to Vegas soon. I’m not sure how long the effects of Operation Rewind last.
 
• How do you bring sexy back?
• Are you reconnecting on FaceBook?
• Are you cool with plans changing at the last minute?

 
Get Your Shopping Groove On!
1)
Bobbi Brown Beach Sandbar
2)
Jergen’s Natural Glow – Fair Tones
3) Chanel Precision Soleil Identite Perfect Colour Face Self Tanner SPF 8 – Dore ( Golden )
4) Crest Premium Whitestrips
5) OPI – Sweet As Annie-Thing!

Where Glee Lost Me

Posted on April 25th, 2010 by Jean

Glee is back, but I’m holding my applause.
 
The season opener was all over the place! Rachel and Finn’s on again/off again romance made me woozy. Combined with Counselor Emma & Teacher Will’s relationship woes, I was ready for a Dramamine. Insert Finn being quasi-seduced by the Cheerios, and my head exploded.
 
Week two promised The Power of Madonna. Once again, I suspended belief as
Emma wrestled with her virginity,
the Cheerios performed on stilts,
Rachel lusted after wannabe tough-guy/singer (gag me), Jesse St. James.
 

 
But I could not believe my eyes when I saw a McKinley student saunter the school halls in an evening gown, gloves, and diamonique. Surely this violated McKinley’s dress code. Come on! I can only accept so much!
 
Why did I find this unacceptable? Because I, too, have experienced the power of Madonna. Back in the early 80’s when Madonna hit the scene, she influenced music and fashion. My girlfriends and I gobbled up both. Fishnet stockings, colorful belts, vintage pumps, thrift-store fashion finds, we wore it all. But as much as we adored her, we would never have impersonated her.
 
And that is where Glee lost me.
 

 
• Are you a Gleek?
• Have you experienced the power of Madonna?
• Which celebrity has influenced your sense of style?

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