Blogging Notes 11

Posted on January 31st, 2009 by Jean

CANDLES

Today at the Dollar Tree store, I saw a book titled, 101 Ways to Decorate with Candles. Really? You’d think there’d just be one way.

1. Place candle on counter. Light.

I was curious about the other 100 ways, so I glanced though it.

2. Place candles around bathtub. Light.
3. Put candle on wall sconce. Light.

I’m sensing a pattern. Even at a dollar, I don’t think its a bargain.

ELVIS PRESLEY REPLACEMENT

Who is going to rise to the celebrity status of Elvis Presley? Who will be impersonated to marry couples in Las Vegas? Whose house will be opened to the public as a museum? I’m guessing Michael Jackson or Obama. What’s your guess?

I now pronounce you husband and wife!

FACEBOOK

Facebook is an interesting sight. In the beginning, when you have no friends, it’s up to you and your memory to seek them out. High school friends, former co-workers, past loves. Type in their name, and your prize is a miniature photo. You have no access to their profile, but you can view their friends. Using this strategy, I found a friend from 20 years ago. In his group of friends, I found my first husband. Clicking on his friends, I found his sister and his now-grown niece. A circle of friends from my past had been reduced to thumbnails. I was glad for the chance to view them again.

On a whim, I sent a friend request to the first friend. Even after all of these years, he remembered me. His image in my mind had been frozen as that of a young, 20-something man with black hair, beard and mustache. To see his current photo was intoxicating, viewing the mature, clean-shaven man he had become.

He encouraged me to send a friend request to my former husband. I was nervous, to put it mildly. When last we spoke, although I cannot remember the exact moment or the exact words, I’m sure we were arguing over furniture, debts, our cat, our divorce, our decisions. It was a bleak period. What good could come from saying hello, I’m here? But I took a deep breath, and did just that.

Almost immediately he replied. A veil was lifted. The gloom of my memories was scattered by positivity and love. He was thrilled to hear from me, and confided that he still spoke fondly of me with his father who had always enjoyed my company. His instant enthusiasm calmed my fears, and made me question what my perception was of our *ending*. Had a friendship been pushed aside all of these years? I don’t know. I don’t have the answers.

So that, more or less, is where I have been lately. Delving into the past to see what I can see.

Tags: candles, elvis, facebook, funny, Humor, Las Vegas, Vegas

Ten Truths

Posted on January 12th, 2009 by Jean

Ten Truths

1) My middle name is Monica. During the summer between 8th and 9th grade, my Mom asked if I’d like to go by my middle name. She thought if I was called Monica all summer, I’d be used to it by the time the school year started. We’d barely gotten out of the gate of trying my *new* name when I did something to anger her, and the idea was scrapped.

2) I’m currently working on copying my parents’ photo albums. My goal is to create family albums for myself, my brother and my sister. I’ve even gone so far as to trace a childhood vacation route on mapquest, and identify a bridge my parents stood in front of.

3) I’m going out on a limb here, but I think my Schwann’s delivery man/boy wishes I was a cougar. He arrives late at night, makes idle chit-chat, and undresses me with his eyes. (I made that last part up.)

4) I (foolishly) purchased vibrating mascara in December, and now, just 5 short weeks later, the battery is dead.

5) The best recipe I’ve tried this year, with the mindset of eating healthier, is a veggie quesadilla. The worst, polenta.

6) I have a black hole in my kitchen which sucks all tupperware lids into the next dimension.

7) My 2nd marriage was performed by a minister who worked nights as a topless mermaid in a fishbowl. I just googled San Francisco topless mermaid fishbowl, and found the S.F. club: Bimbo’s 365.

8) I’m a google-queen, googling several times a day for myself and my husband.

9) The last thing I bought online was an external cd drive from MacMall.

10) Right now I’m on hold with MacMall, listening to jazz, and being told repeatedly that my call is very important. I’ve been holding for 7 minutes (so far). I don’t feel that my call is very important.

UPDATE #1: I am STILL very important…. 21 minutes later. I’ve spoken to 2 actual people, but I’m not done yet.

UPDATE #2: That entire call last 32 minutes and 56 seconds. Turns out, that external CD drive was falsely advertised as being compatible with all platforms. It is for PCs only. Can I get my 33 minutes back?

Thanks for reading!

Tags: funny, google, Humor, tag, truth

Gifts I DON’T Want

Posted on November 25th, 2008 by Jean

*Return To Sender*
Do you know what I don’t want for Christmas? This neck warmer.

Available at Banana Republic.

First off, for $59.00 $35.40 (sale price), I’d expect to get a whole sweater, not just the neckband. Could they at least throw in the wristbands while they’re at it?

Available nowhere. This is a figment of my imagination.

I also do not want a marshmallow blaster, unless you are going to blast those puppies right into my mouth. It’s the thought of marshmallows going to waste that bothers me.

Pump-Action 50-Foot Marshmallow Blaster ($39.95) available at Hammacher Schlemmer.