I Fake It ~ Do You?

Posted on June 20th, 2009 by Jean

I’m boycotting Nerds. You shouldn’t need a shopvac to clean up a candy spill.

Make sure you specify Nerd Candy when you google. Otherwise your retnas will be burned by this:

Speaking of candy, our neighbor kicked his *substance-abusing* girlfriend out again. He gave us her huge bag of assorted Dove chocolates plus an industrial-size box of chocolate liquors. Is it wrong to eat a banished crack-whore’s chocolates?

One of my exes used to make goulash. I’m thankful that I will never eat it again. You know those meals that you fake/enjoy? Maybe I’m the only one. I can’t think of a meal Tom cooks that I fake/enjoy, but I’m starting to think he fake/enjoys my cheesy hashbrowns. I saw his full serving (plus the leftovers) in the trash. He’s the one that suggested I melt cheese on top. Cheese helps everything…. except for my hashbrowns apparently.   

I’ve been thinking of my next videoblog. Not a tutorial, but my impersonations of Spongebob, Patrick and Squidward. I might even throw in Sandy the Squirrel. What if my impersonations are way off? Will you tell me if I suck, or will you fake/enjoy it?   

How are you spending this fine Father’s Day weekend?

Thanks for reading!

Tags: candy, exes, fake, funny, nerds, spongebob, Video

Insomnia Notes + Pimp Zone

Posted on May 2nd, 2009 by Jean

3:00 o’clock in the morning, I’m jolted awake by large viking wielding an axe in my dining room. I hop out of bed, heading to the kitchen to make sure it was all just a dream. There’s no sign of him. Maybe I woke too soon. Who’s to say a viking dream is bad?

I wonder how my virtual crops are doing? I’m a farmer on Facebook. Do real farmers lie awake at night, wondering how their crops are doing? I was (virtually) devastated when my (virtual) grapes died on the vine.

If sharting is shit + farting, what’s peeing when you sneeze? Peez? Sneed?

Speaking of Facebook applications, my daughters love to sprinkle fairy dust on my friends. I always type a little note to accompany the sprinkling. “I love you. I love to sprinkle you.” — signed Pearl (4) and Natalie (6). Jean (43) doesn’t do too much sprinkling or writing of the mushy notes.

Have you been to VideoJug.com? Here’s just a sampling of the videos they offer.


Life Explained ~ On Film

I wouldn’t be surprised if they explained how to boil water. I’d like to submit a video. Maybe a photoshop tip or a makeup tip for women over 40. I was mesmerized one evening while a woman showed me how to apply eyeshadow like Britney Spears. At least she wasn’t teaching me how to cut my hair like Britney.

The Britney Eye (clickable link).

Pimp Zone

If you have not already had the pleasure of reading Amylicious, run, don’t walk, to her blog. Here’s one I found particularly hilarious: Buzz Kill.

Amy just recently launched a blog outside of MySpace. You can find it here: Amy’s Musings.

Have a fantastic weekend, and thanks for reading!

Tags: amylicious, britney, facebook, funny, Humor, insomnia, notes, pimp, Video

Vampire Lestat Wine

Posted on April 9th, 2009 by Jean

In 1995, author Anne Rice joined forces with Babcock Winery of Lompoc, California to produce a wine worthy of the name Lestat, Rice’s lead vampire. Rice’s husband, Stan, a noted artist and poet, designed the wine labels for Cuvee Lestat Syrah and Chardonnay.

The following year, Babcock Winery and the Rices combined their talents again to produce these red and white wines, as well as a bordeaux, all bearing the Lestat name. Reports vary, estimating between 150 and 200 cases of Syrah were produced, selling for $30-$35 per bottle.

1996 was the last year the Lestat wines were produced.

It was always in the back of my mind, as a huge Anne Rice fan, to obtain a bottle of her wine. In 1995, I was traveling around on a fixed income with little internet access. In 1996, the same was true. The two years Anne’s wine was easily attainable through her website and relatively affordable, I was unable to make the purchase.

Fast forward 14 years. I’m at the McDonalds’ drive-through, and then BK’s, picking up Happy Meals for my daughters. Natalie’s toy prize was a pair of Pink Panther sunglasses, while a Hello Kitty digital watch greeted Pearl at the bottom of her bag. A few minutes later, I’m handed my non-emotional meal at Taco Bell. One of my daughters asked, What’s your prize? What is my prize? The wheels were turning. What would be a prize suitable for an adult?

When we arrived home, I plopped myself in front of the computer, dipping nachos with one hand, surfing with the other. Most prizes are themed around the release of movies.

Movies
Adult movies
Horror movies
Animation…. bingo!

Coraline Nike Dunks. If they were handed to us with our Happy Meal, I doubt they would be selling for $3,432.56 on ebay. Less than 1,000 were produced. Movie goers searched for clues following the credits of Coraline for a chance to win a pair of these unique sneakers.

Moving on.

Girl Flicks… bingo!

Confessions of a Shopaholic make-up palette. More attainable than the Nikes, yet the lipstick may not fare too well pressed against my warm taco… and I mean that in the most non-sexual way. Created by Too Faced Cosmetics, retails for $29.50.

Vampire movies… click! Lightbulb moment! Lestat wine!

Googling led me to two sellers. One had posted an entry at the Amazon.com Vampire Romance Discussion Forum. Who knew that even existed? The seller, MJ, had two bottles, and was open to establishing a price. The other seller has 5 bottles, one of each Lestat wine produced, and was (still is) asking $7,550 firm for the collection. Needless to say, I began communicating with MJ.

22 emails and 7 weeks of negotiations…. free
1995 Cuvee Lestat Syrah plus shipping…. $125.00
Fulfilling a dream…. priceless

Should I drink it?

Thanks for reading!

Tags: Anne Rice, funny, Happy Meal, Humor, Lestat, Shopping, vampire, Wine